I feel compelled to write about the Barbie movie, which I’ve now seen four times! Yes, I am truly obsessed.
The first was on opening night at the invitation to a friend’s 50th birthday party, which I accepted knowing nothing about it except that my friend is a liberated woman and the husbands were all going too so presumably it wasn’t just fluff. The second was with a friend and my partner, who agreed it was brilliant. The third was with friends, an older couple with a reluctant husband, who ended up appreciating it more than they imagined. And the fourth was with my 83-year-old mother where we dressed in pink, her with her rollator and me once again with my willing partner.
From the opening scene play on a 2001: A Space Odyssey; to the Mama Mia!-like dance numbers; to the numerous twists and turns of the storyline arc from pure matriarchy to disguised patriarchy (aka The Real World) to pure patriarchy to the seedlings of basic humanity; to the elevation of Weird Barbie as the woman who makes things happen; to the epic, heart-wrenching monologue by Gloria, whom I consider the heroine of the movie, about how hard it is to be a woman; to the powerful personal transformation of our endearing hero, Ken; to the brave and touching transition of our vulnerable and insightful Stereotypical Barbie in becoming fully human; to the real-life montage finale bringing everything down to earth—it was laugh-out-loud funny and cry-your-eyes-out poignant about the experience of being female in a mostly man’s world and ultimately about being human. Oh yes, it is deep, this movie about a doll that sparks indignation in some and ignites a sense of empowerment in others.
The outrage over the playboy-like figure of the doll is dealt a swift blow in the first scene where the film shows many of the Barbies that have been made: astronaut Barbie, doctor Barbie, pilot Barbie, engineer Barbie. Clearly, the doll was also meant to spark the imagination of what is possible for girls, beyond simply becoming a mother. Who knew? I never played with Barbie so didn’t have the preconceived disdain of some, like Sasha, the powerhouse teenager whose emotional arc is among the most touching in the movie. She opens with lambasting Barbie for “setting the feminist movement back fifty years” and ends by insisting that she and her “ordinary” Mom return to Barbie Land to save it from patriarchal takeover. “You can’t just give up, Mom!”
The dramatization of each of these worlds—Barbie Land, Kendom, and The Real World—along with the fantastical transitions between them by car, motorboat, spaceship, bicycle, campervan, and snowmobile, allow you to see just how different the world is/would be when taken to each extreme. But make no mistake, the Real World is still patriarchy, just papered over by the thin veil of feminist ideology that’s been allowed to eek by over the decades. Ken: “You’re not doing patriarchy very well.” Corporate guy: “We’re actually doing patriarchy very well. We’re just better at hiding it.”
Clearly none of these worlds is “the answer” to how to live together in harmony and flourish, where everyone is honored for who they are, gender aside. Women and men have different qualities that must be allowed their natural expression if we are to live together as fully human. And yet, empirically and historically, in general, while men in power have been busy building empires, whether civic, cultural, scientific, technological, religious, or economic, women in not-power have generally been busy creating and nurturing families. To the extent that women are part of these empires, they’ve done so within the patriarchy by seeking equality in a man’s world. While that’s certainly one way to go about it, it’s by no means the most effective way of creating a just society for all. You don’t have to look very hard to see that baked into the creation of these power-hungry empires is not only systemic inequality, injustice, and marginalization, but the seeds of destruction of the very foundation upon which they depend, nature itself.
As a perfect case in point, watch Oppenheimer and take note of what happens when men push their creative minds and might to their extremes in pursuit of what is often self-destructive power—in this case, the atomic bomb. With only three women appearing in the film, a wife, a lover, and a token nod to one of the key female scientists of the Manhattan Project, it’s a sobering reminder of what can and often does happen when men’s power goes unchecked. I have no doubt that the 640 women at Los Alamos, nearly half of whom were scientists, were thrilled to be involved in The Manhattan Project along side the men. But it does make me wonder how things might have turned out differently if they had been in charge.
As a thought experiment, imagine a world in which, instead of holding token positions in patriarchal institutions such as government, industry, finance, law, academia, and the arts, women were actually running the ship. Just let yourself take that in for a minute. No longer underlings in a male-dominated world, imagine women actually being able to make the decisions around “how things are done around here.” Just bring yourself to the Oval Office in Barbie Land and you’ll get the vibe. President Barbie: “Turn to the Barbie next to you. Compliment her. Tell her how much you love her!” OK, maybe not exactly that but somewhere along the spectrum closer to care, concern, connection, cooperation, collaboration, compassion, and compromise than say, control, competition, confrontation, coercion, and combativeness. Seriously, imagine a world where these values were the guiding principles behind our collective decision-making. To me, it sounds like a much better world.
Buying into matriarchy wholesale à la Barbie Land is no more the answer than wholesale patriarchy as each subjugates one gender over another. However, I believe the second-wave radical feminists had it right in their desire to eliminate male supremacy and oppression—from the boardroom to the bedroom. The question is, how do you accomplish this? Barbie, the movie, has proposed one way. Put women in charge. Let them set the tone of our civic, cultural, and economic values. And then codify these values into our laws and institutions until they become accepted as social norms by the culture at large. While it might seem far-fetched as described in Barbie Land, matriarchal cultures have a long history in human evolution.
However, it’s not just about putting women in charge, giving them power over men. Part of this radical shift means holding men accountable in their rampant pursuit of power all all levels—personal, political, economic, and sexual, among others. And how do you do that? By following the leadership of people like Jackson Katz, my high school classmate who advocates for men manning up to their responsibility in shifting social norms that perpetuate violence against women and girls and men and boys. By supporting organizations like Raising Voices, which delivers evidence-based activist training programs to prevent violence against women and children and where I had the privilege of working. And by being brave enough as a woman to express yourself authentically and fully in the face of it all.
These are big asks, to be sure. Yet all around the world, there is movement in this direction and positive change is happening that we don’t hear enough about. As what is already one of the biggest blockbuster movies of all time, Barbie, on the other hand, is a breath of fun-filled fresh air delivering up a whopping dose of inspiration to move beyond our existing, limited mindset. If we imagine it, we can create it.
Surrender to the Abundance 